Junvenille. Enbarrassing and awful to admit but:

Why have they got so much and I haven’t? Why is it easy for them? Do they like me or do they think I’m a total waste of space? How can I work out how to get them to like me? To think I am really good? How can I get what they’ve got? Am I fool? Am I excluded? Am I damaged or faulty? Am I an impossible case?

And on and one it goes. I wake up a 4am and then again at 5am. And then I see that these thoughts are as old as the hills. Byon katie would say they are not mine anyway. I  don’t now what other people are thinking about in the smalls am hours, but it might be similar.

I can find my family structure in this. I believe that I can remember thinking like this about my family. This insight might be useful, but if I go any futher with it I will wrongly presribe cause and effect. There is no truth here. There was no precise interpretation of a situation from the past, there was no situation which means that I think  like this. There are just habitual thoughts. This is no more ‘me’ than when I feel excited, full of love annd possibility. But according to Chris Capre, Mario Martinez and I am sure plenty of others, the issue with ths sequence of ideas lies in their implication  that unless I can solve things/change things, my existence is threatened, which, combined with their frequent repetition, means that I perceive these ideas as ‘real’ and ‘about me’. They will be generating a lot of brain activity* and I will percive events and find experiences that make these ideas appear as the truth about ‘me’.

  • Chris Capre says that threatening thoughts generate 80% more brain activity than peaceful ones. But what doe sit mean? 80% of what?