When I first discovered the Sedona Method I was so relieved that it allowed you to want to die. I am not suicidal and never really have been though I admit to using Nietzsche in some dark moments:
“The thought of suicide is a great consolation: by means of it one gets through many a dark night.”
The Sedona Method describes wanting to die as the opposite side of wanting to survive. Wanting to survive is one of the base wants driving our feelings, and since every want also contains its opposite, there is also a want not to survive. This want feels like wanting to give up, wanting to just forget the whole thing, wanting everything to be over. It can also appear as excessive risk taking, extreme sports etc.
When I was gambling away my security, I remember think to myself ‘just get rid of it, gamble it all away and get it over with and then you can do away with yourself… and you’ll have a great excuse.‘ I had this feeling that I just couldn’t be bothered any more and I had a great life at the time but couldn’t see much of a future. I thought I had failed too much, tried hard enough, couldn’t seem to make myself do anything good and I just wanted to give up.
As released this morning on ‘Am I willing to follow my intuitive knowingness rather than my tendencies and desires?‘ it appeared again. At first it took the form of ‘I am buggered if I am giving up my tendencies and desires! Life wouldn’t be worth living!’. As I welcomed this, there it was: wanting to give up, wanting to die, wanting it all to be over with, wanting to lose everything so that life becomes untenable.
I can release through this. Sometimes it seems that things I do are like covering the shit with fondant, that a feeling of futility lurks underneath everything. But this is not true. It is an habitual thinking pattern and if I do a holistic release on wanting to live/wanting to die, the desire for life comes through, strong a vibrant.