So I can see that I am recreating all kinds of relationships in the market.
I wanted to trade because I thought it meant that I did not need to have colleagues or a boss. But I had found the harshest, most brutal boss, but also one with no short term memory, no predjudices, no moods, no ambitions and no agenda of its own. In short, my boss is the market and it whipped my ass! I sulked, I ignored it, I bitched about it, I claimed that it was wrong and unfair, that it was biased against me, that it was cheating, I criticised it to anyone who would listen and fought it at every opportunity, I felt cheated and hard done by, I believed it should give me a break just because….
This is not a being with a consciousness it is not my Dad or my manager, or an academic, or a course leader, or a company owner, this was an inanimate flow of money, it is lines on a screen, nothing more and to make it personal is strange – albeit very common – form of insanity. Where other people see opportunity, I see threats and trickery.