I have often wondered why I find most success and coaching programs so utterly dispiriting. Today I listened to my trading teacher tell me how to be successful but I had to switch him off long before the  end of the presentation because I was repulsed, viscerally repulsed by his message and his tone. Thsi would be fine if it were not the case that I buy these programs, I believe that they are the way out (of what?) and I try to ignore how repellant I find them by telling myself to be humble, to respect their talents and to stop resisting work. Get over it! In other words.

Nit far underneath, I find myself thinking ‘I would rather live in a ditch than think like these people’ vs. ‘F***! They are safe, I am not, I cannot or will not be like them therefore I will never be safe.’

But what if I allow this reaction, what if I allow myself feel this? Then I see this:

The mindset they describe reaffirms separateness. The basisc conceit is that there is a ‘you as you are’ and there is a ‘better you’ and that the ‘better you’ must bully, cajol and punish the ‘you as you are’ into becoming the better version. This is nonsense. They are the same thing! Who is talking to whom? This experinence has helped me understand why Nisargadatta talks about the futility of trying to change yourself – it is like trying to change your reflection in the mirror.

So I can use this programs to learn the technical skills I need and to learn relevant neuroscience, and then then rest goes in the bin.

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